


Are you with me?

by natashatano



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Dreams and Nightmares, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-26
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-17 18:54:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29721690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/natashatano/pseuds/natashatano
Summary: After Captain America: Civil War, Natasha and Steve have to figure out what to do know. Figure out how to move past their past. Figure out their trauma. Figure out their feelings. This story will include some of the other Avengers but will be Nat and Steve focused.
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Natasha Romanov
Comments: 5
Kudos: 50





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! Sorry the first chapter is short, I just wanted to get it started. I promise the other chapters will be much longer. Not sure how long this will be but enjoy! Also it does say mature rating but I'm not sure it will be that but I just wanted to be safe. I'll also make sure to put trigger warnings at the beginning of each chapter if there are any!

*Dublin, Ireland* 

Nat looked around at the city at the people walking, kids laughing, and teens on dates.They looked happy. Something she didn't have a lot of.

She’d been on the run since she stopped T’challa from catching Steve and she didn’t look back. She didn’t have the time to look back. 

She played the day back in her head over and over. She knew every step she took and every move she made.The look of betrayal in Steve’s eyes. Standing in front of T’challa. Firing her Widow’s Bites. Telling Steve to run. Feeling Clint's eyes on her as she let Steve pass. Running towards Sam. Leaving the airport.

She knew it had been the right thing to do. Steve had been right all along but she couldn't bring herself to stop playing the day over. Maybe if she had better handled Steve and Tony, Rohdes would still walk. However, that was past now and she could finally meet up with him. 

She was nervous to put it kindly. Her heart was racing and palms sweating.

“Stop Natalia this isn’t you” she said to herself. 

She needed to focus and get to the meet up. She needed to stay hidden. 

Stay safe. Stay focused. Stay on the path.

Those words repeated in her mind again and again. 

Stay safe. Stay focused. Stay on the path.

They were a plan. A way for her to calm herself. She played with her fingers as she walked down the street, head down. She took deep shaky breaths. Her steps quicked, wanting to meet him on time. They’d agreed on a small bookshop that was out of the way but still easy enough to find.

She turned the corner onto Suspense Rd. She saw her destination, 52 Suspense Rd. 

Standing outside the shop was a 6ft man wearing a green jacket and a blue New York Yankees baseball cap.

She knew immediately who it was.

Steve. Her Steve.


	2. Are you with me?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Here's the second chapter. I hope you all enjoy it. There are no trigger warnings in this chapter.

The next thing Natasha knew Steve’s arms were around her torso and his face buried in her neck.

“God Nat”, Steve breathed out, “ I- I’m so glad to see you.” 

“It’s good to see you too,” Nat said. 

She inhaled his scent. He smelled like clean laundry, tea, and cold air. She felt his muscles tense against her back as he pulled her closer. She wanted to relax. She wanted him. 

He pulled away but didn’t let her go. His hands gripped her hips.

“Where the hell have you been?” Steve said sounding worried and tense

Nat laughed, “Its cute when you’re worried about me”

“Nat, I’m serious”

“ Alright, alright,” Nat said, “I’ve been all over; Russia, Iran, Portugal”

“But you’ve been safe, right?” Steve stammered as he let go of her hips

“Don’t worry” Nat laughed, “I’m always safe”

“Sorry” 

“Don’t worry Rogers, I can handle myself”

“I know but that doesn’t mean I can’t still worry about you” said Steve.

He hand moved to the small of Nat’s back, pressing lightly. He smiled at her. For a moment, there was no split in the team, nothing to worry about, just Steve. 

“Natasha, are you ok?” Steve asked.

“Yeah, just ready to go”

“Yeah, yeah, of course.” Steve said slowly as if Nat was a china doll, “ Uh- umm the quinjet is in a field about a mile away and I’ve got a car we can take”

“Did Captain America steal a car?” Nat chuckled 

“Well, I’ve already done it once with you, so what's a second time?” Steve said with a tone of amusement.

“There’s the spirit, Rogers”

Steve rolled his eyes, “The cars just over here”

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
The car rolled down a long dirt road.

“Feet off the dashboard.” Steve said sternly

“Still the same respectable man” Nat in a flirty tone.

“This isn’t our car, so we should have some basic respect”

“I do have respect but I’m also tired”

“Well you can sleep now.” Steve said as he slowed the car down in the middle of a large field of wild grass. “Cause we’re here”

He put the car in park and took the keys out the ignition and set them on the dashboard. He pushed open his door and stepped out into the field. Nat unbuckled and went to open her door, when it swung open. Steve was standing in front of her.

“Such a gentleman.” Nat said softly

“My mother always told me that it didn't matter how tall or strong it was, it was just important to be kind.” Steve said with a kind of sadness Nat couldn’t quite figure out.

“Your mother sounds like a wonderful woman.” 

“She was,” Steve said kind of softly as if he had been pushed to the past, “Anyways, let's get to the jet before anyone sees us.”

“We don’t want Ross on our ass.” Nat said

“The jet’s right over here,” Steve said as he pointed toward a tree, “I kept it mirrored” 

He started walking toward the tree until he stopped and seemed to tap the air. Thirty seconds later a black S.H.I.E.L.D issued Quinjet appeared. The door lowered to the ground.

“Welcome home, Nat”

For once those words meant something to Nat. It wasn’t the jet that was home, it was Steve.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! There are some trigger warnings for this chapter.  
> TW// ptsd, guns and knives
> 
> This is a much longer chapter and a lot happened, so I hope you enjoy!!

The Quinjet was cold, but filled with light as Steve walked towards the front of the jet. It looked the same as it had three years ago. Three years ago, she’d been fighting with Sam and Steve to save Bucky. One year ago, she’d been fighting against Sam and Steve to arrest Bucky. Maybe it was too late to be forgiven. 

“Hey Nat, come on, we’ve got to get going”

“Where exactly are we going?” Nat said quizzically.

“I’ve got a place in Brooklyn, if you think we’d be safe there.” Steve asked

“I’ve seen your place and we both know it isn't safe.” Nat laughed as she moved to sit in the copilots seat.

Steve chuckled. He set his hand on her shoulder and sighed, “It’s only been attacked twice”

“Still more than my place”

“Natasha Romanoff has a house?”

“Don’t act so surprised, I do have a back up at all times.” Nat said with amusement

“So, where is it?” Steve asked

“Just outside of Oslo, Norway” Nat said, “Its close and the people think I’m just an innocent Russian refugee”

“Alright, I’ll set the autopilot coordinates,” Steve said, “And now we can get some sleep.”

Nat rolled her eyes and sighed, “Steve, I don’t sleep anymore. Just a side effect of my life”

“Natasha,” Steve said softly.

“Dammit” Nat thought to herself, “Don’t make him take on your problems.”

“Steve, I’m fine. I promise”

“Nat, I just want to make sure you’re ok”

“If me laying in a bed is what it takes to get you off my back, then I’ll do it”

“Come on then, the jet can handle itself.”

Steve walked over to the right side of the jet, where the bedroom was. While it was just Nat and Steve, they would sleep next to each other and wake up in each other's arms. Back then they would brush it off as nothing. 

But it was never nothing to Nat. She’d wait until Steves’ breathing slowed and he fell asleep to crawl in next to him. To her it was everything.

Steve was never asleep when Nat would crawl into his arms. Everytime he would wrap his arms around her when she fell asleep. To him it was everything.

Steve pushed open the door to the bedroom.

“Nat, is it ok if we still share a bed? I just never got a new one.” Steve muttered

“Of course, yeah, of course.” 

Natasha immediately walked over to the bed and flipped the covers over. She climbed into the bed and turned to face Steve, who was already laying next to her.

“Night, Romanoff”

“Goodnight, Rogers”

Steves’ breath slowed and his body relaxed. Nat took it as a sign she could move. She pushed one of his arms away, so she could crawl under it. She put her head under his chin and breathed in. She moved her legs so they could be parallel to his. Her palms pressed up against his chest. She felt his arm wrap tighter around her, as if he was reacting to her presence. She closed her eyes tight, hoping the nightmares would spare her tonight.

They didn’t however. She was back in the Red Room. There were girls dancing around her in black tutus and leotards. Guns strapped to their thighs and knives to their back. They were ready to kill. And there she was in the middle of them.

“Natalia” a voice in the distance shouted.

Madame B.

“Natalia, sloppy work. Do it again,” Madame B. shouted, “ And better, мой маленький паук”

The scene changed.

Natasha was laying on the floor in pools of what she assumed to be her blood. Above her, Ivan towered staring down at her.

“My little spider, it seems you’ve fallen. Tsk Tsk. My Natalia would never fall. Weak” Ivan said.

“Weak”

“Weak”

The word echoed.  
Natasha sat up. Her breath was shallow and heart beating fast. The world around her was spinning around. Shifting from the Red Room back to the jet with Steve. 

“Nat! Natasha!” Steve yelled.

“Natasha, are you with me!?” Steve yelled again.

She glanced at him. His eyes were full of worry.

“Sor- Sorry Steve, it was just a nightmare, nothing at all”

“Natasha, that clearly wasn't nothing, you were screaming”

“I’m fine, Steve”

“No, Natasha, you’re not,” Steve said, “And you can’t convince me that you are. You need help.”

“I’m fine, I’ve dealt with it for years.”

Steve looked at her, his eyes tracing the outline of her face. He pulled her closer to him and wrapped his arms around her. He layed back down and pulled her down next to him. Her hair fell just brushing her collar bone. Steve tucked a strand behind her ear. He knew talking wouldn’t help Nat, so he just pulled her close to him. As soon as she met his chest, she curled up against him. Nothing was said, just the sound of their breathing. 

The sound of beeping woke Natasha, the GPS proximity alarm. They were close to her safe house. She rolled over hoping to feel Steve next to her. The bed was cold. He’d been gone for some time. She heard Steve’s outside the door. He was pacing back and forth as if he was deciding to come in.

“Steve.” Natasha called.

The door to the bedroom opened slowly and Steve stepped in.

“Sorry, I didn’t want to wake you up after last night.”

“No, you’re fine. Are we almost there?”

“Yeah, about twenty minutes out.”

“All right, I’ll get ready and meet you in the front in a few.”

Natasha pushed herself into a sitting position and scanned the room for some of her clothes. She noticed a sweatshirt across the room that she figured was her. She pulled a pair of jeans and tennis shoes out of her duffel bag. They grabbed the sweatshirt and pulled the clothes. She was going to head out of the room until she felt a nagging feeling that she should stay. A feeling of safety.  
A knock on the door pulled her back to reality.

“Nat, we’re landing in 10 minutes.” Steve said.

“I’m coming.” Natahsa said back as she walked towards the door and pulled it towards her.

“Where do you want me to land?”

“There’s a group of pine trees in the back of the house where you can land.”

Steve walked up to the front as the house came into view. It was a small brown farm-like house. It had a small front porch and a gravel driveway. It didn’t seem like a place Nat would buy, but then again it was just a safe house.

“So, this is home?” Steve asked.

“This is home.” said Natasha quietly


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I'm really happy with this chapter. Finally, something is kinda happening between them. I really love all of the Kudos, so thank you so much!
> 
> No TW this chapter.

Natasha clicked the lock on the door, opening it to a small entryway. It had bare cream white walls. Nothing seemed out of place and it was extraordinarily clean for a not so often visited safe house. Natsahsa walked in and stood so suddenly that Steve almost ran into her.

“That was surprisingly easy to get into.” Steve noted.

“Please do you have no faith in me,” Natahsa said, “I am the world's best assassin.”

Steve laughed, “Always showing off.”

Natasha turned to look at him briefly and continued to walk farther into the home. She turned into what must have been the living room. A simple grey couch sat in the center of the room with a glass coffee table in front of it. On the table sat a small collection of books. There was an armchair in the corner with a lamp beside it. 

“This is it really,” Natasha said, “of course there is a kitchen and bedroom.”

“A single bedroom?”

“Yeah, I didn’t figure it’d be a problem, at least for us,” Natasha said as her shoulders dropped, “But if you aren’t comfortable one of us can sleep on the couch.”

“Natasha, at this point it's hard to sleep without you next to me.” Steve said as he laughed

Natasha’s eyes widened turning to look at Steve, his eyes wide with something Natasha hadn’t ever known but still felt. 

She smiled slightly at Steve and said “We should bring our bags upstairs and then make sure the house is secure.”

She turned and walked out of the room and walked to the end of the hall where there were a set of stairs. Natasha climbed them and Steve followed her up to the bedroom. The stairs led right into a rather large bedroom. It had white walls, a large bookshelf filled with random things, a bed with a white linen quilt and a skylight lighting the whole room. This room seemed more personal, like someone lived here. Still it gave away no personal details. No pictures of anyone or clothing. There were however trinkets from all around the world and books lined the shelfs of the book case. Natasha set her bag on the floor next to the bed. Steve followed her and too set his bag next to the bed.

“How long have you had this place?” Steve asked.

“As long as I’ve been an Agent of Shield,” Natasha said, “I needed an out they didn't know about just in case.”

“Do you trust anyone?” Steve laughed.

Natashas face turned to stone, her eyes tightening.

Her tone deepened as she said “Everyone ends up betraying me.” She turned away from him and walked down the stairs toward the doorway.

“Natasha!” Steve shouted, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that. Where are you going?”

“We have to secure the house, Rogers.”

“Nat, please stop, I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine.”

“Na..Nat, please.”

“Just secure the south side of the house, ok Rogers.”

“Yeah.”

Natasha walked out the front door and went to the back of the house. 

“God,” she thought to herself, “Steve has no clue how cruel people can be.”

After deciding the house was secure, Nat headed back inside. She saw Steve sitting in the kitchen, but didn’t walk over to him even as he looked at her. She walked back into the bedroom and closed the door, rather loudly. She sat down on the bed, leaning back so she was laying flat. She closed her eyes, feeling them sting as she breathed in. She laid there for what felt like thirty seconds until she heard Steve knock.

“Nat, can I come in?” Steve asked.

Natasha didn’t respond at first, considering her options, finally she said “Yeah.”

Steve opened the door slowly, he poked his head into the room before walking in. He stood at the threshold for just a moment looking at Nat. He moved towards the bed sitting down next to Natasha. She could feel the weight of Steve next to her.

Turning to look at Nat, Steve said “Natasha, I’m so sorry. I.. I di..I didn’t mean to hurt you, I would never hurt you.”

“Steve, I..”

“I will never betray you. You mean everything to me and you don’t have to be alone.”

Steve reached to touch Natasha’s face. His fingers softly traced her jawline. For a moment Natasha only saw his eyes, but she couldn’t let him just fall into her like this, so she turned her head away.

“I shouldn't be everything to you.”

“You don’t und..” Steve tried to say before Nat interrupted him.

“Steve, betrayal isn’t always a choice,” Nat said, “I’m tired of talking, can we just go to sleep?”

“Of course, I'll sleep on the couch tonight.”

“No, stay.”

Natasha didn’t bother changing her shirt. Instead she just changed her pants, not bothering to ask Steve to close his eyes. She climbed into the bed and turned to face Steve, who was already in the bed. Tonight she didn’t wait until Steve was asleep to curl up next to him. She just grabbed his hips to pull him closer to her. He didn’t say a word as she pushed her head under his chin. 

To Steve, this was everything he wanted. He wanted Nat to open up to him. To love him, but they weren’t there yet and they may never be. This moment, though, was enough. It was enough just to have Nat in his arms. It was enough for her to have forgiven him. 

“You know that’s my sweatshirt.” Steve said. 

A small puff of air escaped Nat’s mouth. She’d known since the moment she had pulled it over her head. She didn’t make any movement after that. 

Steve pulled her closer. He wanted all of her. A strand of hair fell on her face, pushing her eyelashes down. The moonlight illuminated her skin and hair. As Steve watched her he felt as if everything was right in the world. With Natasha,the past left him, he was just the Steve that had fallen in love with an ex-KGB assassin. If he was honest with himself he wasn’t in love with her, he was still falling in love with her. He noticed everything about her, like when she smiled and her dimples showing up, the way her eyes lightened in the sun, and the way she pulled on her fingers before a mission. He was falling in love with every part of her.


End file.
